An ode to the gay men of Appalachia

To hike a long hike, you gotta go into town every once in a while to pick up the care package your Mama sent to the post office. Well it's Sunday, and I'm in Front Royal and the post office doesn't open until 8:30 in the morning. Luckily for me, I found a super secret gay man network called Grindr. I can pretty quickly find a place to sleep on Grindr, lots of great men on there, most everyone is happy to help a hiker. 

I knew I wouldn't make it to Front Royal in time to pick up my package, so 2 days ago I had to slow down, I got on Grindr back in Luray and a really nice guy came and picked me up. When he texted me he sent pictures of his big house, and said he'd pick me up in a Mercedes-Benz, he talked about his multiple airbnbs and his house-keeper. I mean, I got the impression that he liked showing off his money. 

He married a woman, but that ended in divorce because of course it did. And his ex-wife and kids have nothing to do with him. So here he is fairly fresh out of the closet, and he talked with a lawyer about his will. And who is the executor of his will? Really nobody is close enough to him to be an executor, so he reluctantly asked his mom, but he'll probably out-live her. In a way I kinda pitied him, I feel really weird pitying someone way above my economic class though. Another part of me felt haunted because that's going to be me someday. I mean I didn't marry a woman and I don't have any money, and I'm already out of the closet, but golly are we all headed for a life of loneliness. You gain very few new friends in your life and the old friends are constantly leaving. One of the new people in his life is a hiker, and he's just trying to kill a few hours and eat.

I charged my phone at his house, and did laundry, well, he did my laundry because he's a sweetheart. And I know I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but I did not like the fragrance of the laundry detergent haha. I think that's a me thing though. I don't wear deodorant and all my soaps and detergents are all fragrance free. I guess it makes sense to try to make a stinky hiker's clothes smell like Gain + Aroma Boost.

He took me back to the trail and asked if I'd rather spend another day with him. But I am a rover, I got to be moving on. I don't think he understands hiking, when I described sleeping on the ground he said there's nothing in this world that would convince him to do that.

From Luray to Front Royal is only 28 miles, hiked a little bit Friday evening, 17 miles on Saturday, and the rest this morning. Shenandoah National Park was very beautiful.

So I hitchhiked into Front Royal from the trail, I stood by the road with my thumb out for about 20 minutes but a nice guy in an old red pick-up truck picked me up and drove me about 5 miles into town, dropped me off downtown outside the sporting goods store. It was about to rain so the cashier came and told me to come sit inside, which I did. And then I started the Grindr game, messaging everyone in town if they'd let a hiker sleep in their yard. There's only a few gay men in this town, and none of them could make that work, so I gave up and started walking to the motel 6. I stopped at the Taco Bell for some comida, and I got a grindr notification, a guy asked if I still needed a place to sleep.

He picked me up from Taco Bell and he was really nice, had a thick accent, he was in his 70s, we talked about his time in the military. When he opened the door to his house though I got a whiff of a cat, when I walked in I nearly instantly started to feel sick from the smell of cat pee. But I thought it's a free place to sleep, and the motel 6 also smells bad probably.

He had a guest room which he showed me to, and gave me a towel to shower and I wanted to shower right away I was pretty sweaty. Walking through his house he had thousands of baseball figurines, action figures, bobble heads, still in the packaging and covered in dust & cat hair. They were in the halls, on top of bookshelves, on the couch. This was a hoarder house, not the worst I've seen, he said they were collectibles. I figured I'd get used to the smell and took a shower, but after I showered and went back to the guest room I pulled back the covers on the bed, and the sheets were covered in cat hair. I put the cover back up and sat down charging my phone, my throat seemed to be closing up and I became hyper-aware of my shallow breath and staying in that house any longer sounded like torture.

But I've slept in the dirt many times before, I could probably survive this night of suffocation.

A friend in Seattle texted me asking where I was, and I told him I was drowning in cat hair, he said he'd get me a motel room. I said no to the motel room but that text was enough to convince me to get out of there. I called an Uber and told the guy I was allergic to cats (I'm not). 

But I feel pretty bad about that. Like, this man wanted to help me with a place to sleep and I walked out almost immediately. This guy probably never has guests, he's a hoarder veteran who talks to his cats, he lives in a small town in Virginia. And I don't know every detail about his social life, but there was no evidence of family or friends in his house. When he dies, his cats will probably eat his fingers and eyes.

I hate pitying strangers. I feel so self-righteous and tribalistic, and like, I'm nomadic so I don't have the position on the social hierarchy to look down on others. I also hate looking down on lonely gay men with cats. Like, I have some empathy for him. And the smell of cat made me sick, but like, thinking about how depressing this guy's life is made me sicker.

If I hang out with someone because I pity them, I just wouldn't be able to sleep at night. That's just such a nasty and dishonest way to live. I'd be such an awful person if that's why I give my time to someone. I don't pity most people, I genuinely enjoy making friends and spending time with most anyone. But this is a downward spiral, if you're a lonely person and I pity you because you're lonely, that makes me feel awful and I will stop giving you my time. Another person, leaving you, and forgetting about you because you're too lonely and depressing to think about. Augh it's just so freaking sad.

There were no Ubers in Front Royal on a Sunday afternoon, so I walked to the motel closest to that guy's house. It was only a few bucks more than the motel 6. It smells kinda musty, but I can breathe. I can breathe better outside, I freaking love hiking. If the post office were open on Sundays I'd already be back out there on the trail.

And I worry about how picky I am with smells. This rich guy's house smelled too much like Yankee candles, this veterans house smelled too much like cat pee, the air in the woods is just right haha. I mean, a great reason to go hiking is to breathe in some fresh air. My shirt smells a little bit like laundry detergent, a little like cat hair, and a little like salty sweat. 

Love you all.