Baseball is erotic

The sweat rolling down the back, the tight white pants and the pooched out butt, the heart beating against the ribcage, the Oscar Meyer wieners, covered in mustard, going into everyone's mouth. It's a metaphor for sex, and the eroticism is below the surface, it can only be felt, not seen. 

The pitcher has extreme focus, like a predator eyeing it's prey. The batter's contorted, like stress on a spring, waiting til the exact moment to burst. A white ball is thrown across the field. The batter has a split second to decide to swing or not, his mind explodes in two different directions, and it's a strike. He has just a moment before he has to raise the bat again and lock in his focus. Takes a few breaths, and then tenses his body up again. Every muscle from the feet to the fingertips to the eyes, contracted and held, and the heartbeats are getting louder. 

Another pitch and he doesn't swing, it's a ball. A moment of relief. The back and forth between stress and relief, like the waves of the ocean going in and out. Like the goosebumps appearing and subsiding after a gentle kiss on the neck. Again and again, the pitcher throws and the batter swings, they shake out their nerves and reset, until everyone hears a giant crack! The ball goes flying! The crowd gasps and screams and flails their arms around, it's a moment of bliss and excitement! Until an outfielder catches it and the screams turn into sighs. Gasps turn into whimpers. The arms reach for some nachos. I can feel my own breath becoming labored and asynchronous just thinking about it. 

I especially love the split second between pitch and swing, it feels like a false start and then a real start immediately in succession. Different parts of my body conflict with each other. My gut yells "GO" but my mind yells "WAIT" and then a second later my mind is like "OKAY NOW GO" and my gut is like "lol oops too late." It's a frenzy in the body.

I used to think baseball was boring, and it definitely is way more boring than the other popular sports. Like, nothing happens. But it's just like Pride and Prejudice, sure nothing happens, but the anticipation is tantalizing. 

 

A baseball game is hours, and it usually ends sometime during the 9th inning. The ecstatic moment when you can call the win is amazing, but so fleeting. Faster than you can say "we win!" it's over. This is the little death. And you can bask in how much fun you had, and your body relaxes quite a bit, and you realize the time and have to get going.

I realize I wrote this somewhat humorously, but I do mean it lol baseball is erotic. Love you all ❤️