Pro-life to Pro-choice

11 November 2021

 I used to be pro-life. I used to think abortion access should be illegal and that getting an abortion was morally equivalent to murder. This was when I was a young teenager and abortion was a hot-button topic, as it always is. But I changed my mind, thankfully humans are capable of changing their minds. But it was not without a ton of distress, and now my views on the legality and morality of abortion seem to push some of my friends away. 

I wish I could say I learned some solid logic that convinced me to be pro-choice. But my beliefs changed when I witnessed something incredible and heavy. I think the conversation around abortion should be emotional, it's stopping a beating heart, we can't be soulless. So, let me tell you a story, and please be patient with me, I might have views that are unfair or misguided or politically incorrect.

I've held dead fetuses in my hand. I remember the first one I picked up from the hospital, 12 weeks gestation. Pretty much fully formed, about 3 inches long. In a little container with saran wrap for a lid, laying on some gauze, and wrapped in a donated hand-made little quilt and knitted cap. I had watched the videos of supposed abortion clinics ripping apart babies. People used to share those all the time trying to convince you of the horrors, and I definitely fell for them. This time though, here was this dead fetus in my hands, a stillbirth and it was one of the heaviest emotional moments of my life. After I logged the human remains and put the baby in the cooler I stood there and cried for a good half an hour. I think I cried every time I picked up children, fetuses, and suicide victims. It's hard to describe the feelings I felt during my time working at the funeral home. I can't understand what it means to be a mother, in that moment though, I felt some kind of emotional revelation. I tried to put myself in the mother's mind and was overwhelmed and had an emotional shift. 

I thought, who would willingly do this? Why in the world would a woman subject herself to this kind of sadness? But I continued to walk in her shoes and learned that women don't do this for fun, or easily decide to do it. It's a major emotional issue with no clear answers. A woman deciding to get an abortion is a choice so emotional and complicated and hard. I learned that women aren't heartless murderers, but are humans with different needs and capabilities and options. They feel sad when babies die. I concluded that women get abortions because it's the best option they have. 

Instead of thinking these people are murderers, I just wanna give them flowers and hug them. I don't think getting an abortion is morally wrong, but I do believe it's emotionally exhausting. My thoughts on legality changed shortly after I started working in the funeral home. Abortion should be safe and affordable and clinics should be open in every city. And we should probably give these women all of our patience and trust.

I fully realize that my emotional revelation could've gone in the exact opposite direction. I could've just as easily thought we should shut down abortion clinics to prevent this horror of dead babies. I've told this story to my brother and he said "and that made you pro-choice?? It was horrible!!" So I must've made some kind of conscious choice to go pro-choice. It wasn't only this emotional moment, but a stance I decided to take within that moment. I wasn't changed by cosmic timing or the circumstances I was in, I decided to open my mind and heart however hard it was.

I get there's other things that will form your moral compass and political stance. Being in a family with a baby will probably impact your philosophy about life. I will never be involved with an abortion personally, so I speak with a lot of male privilege. But everyone knows and loves someone who's gotten an abortion. I had to make peace with abortion. My feelings are complicated and I don't love taking a hard stance. I'm reserving the right to change my mind again if I feel like it. Right now though, I'm pretty dang pro-choice.

One time at the funeral home, a woman asked my coworker to sing a song to her deceased child. My coworker then walked into the cooler, picked up this client's baby and sang "you are my sunshine." And like, the baby was dead and the client didn't see this, but it was important and beautiful.

Love you all.