Coronavirus

20 November 2021

Your boy tested positive. Let's talk about the coronavirus. And uh, I'm a little drama but I swear I'm deeply happy.

I got sent home from work because I was too dizzy to be productive. I love my job and they were very accommodating so that was nice, but it does mean I'm out of work. I used up all my PTO. I'm one of those American citizens that can't miss a few paychecks without it being a personal disaster. I feel comfortable enough living that way because I have a few safety nets. One of those safety nets is the generosity of my friends and neighbors so if you wanna slip me 5 or 20 or 80 bucks my venmo is @birdpaul or ask me for my zelle address. I promise I will pay it forward, and I will give you a big hug and a sloppy kiss (after I get well), and I promise I will be financially stable soon. 

Being alone laying on my floor I feel so lazy and unproductive. But I'm sick. It wears on you. I like being productive, I like work and I like volunteering and I like staying active even on my days off. I'm an extrovert too, I freaking love people surrounding me. So this is like really hard. And it's a vicious cycle because I don't want to be pitied, but I'm objectively pitiful right now. Augh I just want to be well.

I got vaccinated in April, so I'm really sad and surprised I caught the virus. I know some people will take this to mean the vaccine is useless. But maybe the vaccine is saving me from going to the hospital. My symptoms aren't that bad, I mean, I'm in pain right now, but I'll survive. And I'm thinking your vaccine bias will be confirmed everytime you hear another story about somebody catching the virus. My bias is that vaccines are good and quality of life has greatly improved since they were invented. 

There's a lot of anti-vaxxers though. And that's a surprise to me. I always knew a few people were anti-vax. But golly the sheer number of people choosing not to get vaccinated is astronomical. I've got a lot a anti-vax friends and they've shared with me some of their concerns. I think I've deduced a common theme, they don't trust the government. And you know what? Fair. I don't trust many aspects of the government myself. I don't know how to get people to trust the covid vaccine. I've often found myself doubling down and saying "but it's your duty as an American to end the pandemic!" But I'm not addressing their concerns. And I'm probably pushing them away from the vaccine further.

Then there's the blame game, I absolutely DO NOT want to play the blame game. I think guilt is a useless emotion. But I know many people play it. It's hard to not. Everyone wants to think of themselves as a good person and it's just easier to pass the buck. I know people will blame China, Biden, Trump, God, anti-vaxxers, scientists, coworkers or family members. Like, I got this virus from somebody else. Now I'm the one who's sick and miserable. Matthew 5:45 says He sendeth rain on the just and the unjust. It's nobody's fault, this isn't the result of some negligence somewhere, it's just my unlucky day. I'm just as much to blame for going out and breathing in the virus as evolution is to blame for making this virus. 

There's some lucky people whose lives have been relatively unaffected. I've gotten to spend half of my life in the woods the last 2 years and I'm so grateful for that. There's some parts of the nation where nobody cared and just lived their life the same as always. I think it's mostly a split between rural and urban life. 

I've known lots of people who've died from the coronavirus. And it's like, really really sad. 750,000 Americans are now dead because of the coronavirus. Then there's the limited social gatherings. And the masks, people can't see me smile anymore. Like, all of these things are so incredibly disconnecting. It's a wonder that anyone is functioning anymore.

Mass graves have been a thing many times in human history. There's been pandemics and genocides. And we're no more evolved or more ethical. Mass graves will be a thing again and the survivors will push through. I don't know what to think about that. 

I'm surrounded by angels. I woke up at 2 am and got a text message from my neighbor because he left a can of soup on my doorstep! Another neighbor left cookies and chocolate and a get well card on my doorstep! Another friend brought me ginger ale and saltines. Like, I'm feeling the love so much. 4 other angels have contacted me to ask me what I need and they're going grocery shopping for me! People are so happy and eager to help me and it's wonderful! It only pains me because I can't invite them in to share the chocolate. I don't ever feel bad about asking for help. I like helping people and I imagine others like to too. And it's my time of need! Like, I'm not ashamed or feel less-than or anything. Tucsonans are real nice people I'm lucky to live here.

So I'll be here, in this little apartment downtown. I think I should quarantine for 8 days, but I still need to read more of the CDC website. And I know everyone's tired of the pandemic. But our hugs and kisses will be such a blessing someday soon. It'll be over soon. Questions and comments welcome Venmo: @birdpaul love you all.