A Crush on a Boy

19 May 2022

 So..... I have a crush on a boy. I don't get crushes often, so I'm gonna milk this one for all it's got lol. Crushes are kinda crazy, like, you think and do things that are not normal. He's the most adorable boy ever. He likes Disneyland and baking and he sings in a choir. He's a little quiet and reserved, he is educated and has like, an adult job. He's beautiful, he has these wide blue eyes and this huge smile. He's a very tender man, he's generous and charming and anyway, I'm just very attracted to him.


This attraction is kinda fun and kinda scary. Like, I've called him in the phone twice this week, and both times we talked for an hour and a half! Who does that?! That's a lot of time on the phone, and I look forward to calling him again??? He sent a text the other morning and I normally hate "good morning" texts but I didn't hate it? And it made me giggle. Lol I overthink the text messages I send him.


We spent an afternoon in Salt Lake City, which I was just passing through. We mostly just walked around, and sat on a bench at a park. But it was magical and I didn't want it to end. He grabbed my hand when we walked back to the car and I 100% got the heart palpitations.


I think the passing through thing was very contrived. I'm a live-in-the-moment guy anyway, and when I travel I wear my rose-colored glasses & everything seems like an adventure, so I am much more open minded than I usually am. I create this whole scarcity mindset, he's got 3 hours with me and that'll be it, so we better flirt hard with each other. And since we don't live in the same town it won't be hard to forget about each other if things go badly. And no commitment which I love of course.


The chase is better than the prize. I don't think I want a boyfriend, but I wanna flirt. I want to pine after him and feel this cute little crush. If we actually became a couple I'd get bored. Being attracted to him is a lot of fun, sexual tension is better than sex, fight me. 


It's tragic because he and I are on different trajectories in life. He's committed to the church and I am not. He's more the settle down type and I hate settling down. We only have this one weekend and it's magical but cannot last forever. (I mean maybe it can, but that doesn't make much sense) And our phones disconnect randomly.


I know it's cliché but it feels like Plato's Cave. Like, I've heard about this whole crush thing before but to actually experience it is so much bigger than I could imagine. And when I go back in the cave to watch my ol' shadows on the wall will I miss this? I already miss him and it's only been a few days.


Oh also if you're trying to figure out who I'm talking about, I'm talking about YOU. The cutie reading this 😘😘😘 


I was in the checkout in the grocery store just kinda zoning out and looked at the chapstick, and passively thought about grabbing some because he mentioned he didn't like Carmex. He doesn't like the smell+taste. Love you all.

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