I helped an old guy walk back to his car

30 December 2021

  Bragging time, and I wanna talk about metaphor and morality. I was walking to meet my friend at the 4th avenue street fair the other day. I was fairly close to finding her when I found this elderly gentleman. He was trying, and failing, to balance. His wife was trying to keep him upright. I was walking by as it was happening so I wrapped my arms around his waist until he steadied. I guess his knees just stop working every once in a while, and he should use a walker but doesn't want to haha. He and his wife were both understandably frustrated, but grateful for me. He kept a lot of his weight on me and we slowly walked to Ermano's bar, where he sat down. (I felt so strong and I thought to myself "this is the reason I go to the gym" lol) Then they wanted to call an Uber because there was no way he was walking all the way to the parking garage but that would've been ridiculous. So I walked with his wife and I drove their car up to Ermano's. She was scared of getting lost haha the poor dear. She wanted to go to the ER, but her husband didn't. So I don't know where they ended up, but we quickly switched drivers and they went on their merry way. The whole thing made me very late to see my friend but she didn't mind at all.


Then she found me on Facebook a few days later and she called me an angel! I got the message last night. Aw that made me so happy. I was wearing my "Paul Bird" shirt so she knew who I was lol. But ANGEL is such a funny word. Like, I was just there because I live downtown and I was meeting a friend. I don't feel like I was divine intervention, I'm just your average Tucsonan. And anyone else could've done what I did (maybe not anyone, lol I am pretty strong 💪), and there were hundreds of people around. I was just lucky. 


Also why did I do that? I literally didn't weigh my options or think about whether I should or if was the humane thing to do. It obviously was the humane thing to do but I didn't realize that in the moment, I just instinctively grabbed his waist. I wonder if there's something in me that just does good things automatically ha.


Angels are the facilitators of divine intervention. An angel protects you from harm or finds your misplaced keys for you or whatever. And humans can fill that role, I've been so blessed by my friends and family and strangers, I'm sure you all feel this way too. An angel also delivers prayers to God (this is all metaphor by the way, the existence of a literal God is contested). And I wonder what messages are being relayed to God.


Are angels keeping notes about my good deeds? But like, do they care if my heart is good, or just my observable actions?  And if I am an angel, and all of us are angels, are you guys keeping notes about my good deeds? Because none of you would've known about me helping this elderly fellow with bad knees unless I posted this status update. You guys aren't keeping notes obviously, and the metaphor is getting lost lol. But you are judging my moral character. I also never mention the old guys I walk past and let fall down, so you all are getting a one-sided representation of me. 


I don't really care if I have a good heart or not. I don't really believe in good or bad. And I hardly believe in the existence of my soul. In my favorite Christian religions, everyone inherits eternal happiness, regardless of your good deeds (aka: saved by grace). So like, it doesn't matter if I'm good or not. It doesn't even matter if I have a happy life or not, we're all gonna die and that's the end of that. I get a little hit of dopamine when someone refers to me as an angel though. In a way, you all are angels, presenting evidence to God about the goodness of my heart. And I just need your approval. 


Funnily enough, I quickly forgot about that couple I helped. Lol I'm kinda an airhead. Until I read her message last night. Love you all.



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