I'm going to watch my parents die

 9 February 2022 

Today was an amazing day, went rock climbing (in a gym) with a beautiful friend, then ate some tomatoes. I saw a movie at the Loft, Breathless by Jean-Luc Godard. Lastly I did yoga. I do yoga solely for the workout & stretch, not for spiritual or intellectual reasons. 


I have so much love in my heart today, and I allowed my mind to wander while sitting in the car, maybe my love can reach a new place. I was listening to this playlist I made for my own funeral, and I just started sobbing. I'm well aquianted with death, I've come to the conclusion that it's really sad. It's something everyone has to face, alone. Crossing over to the other side is something that you have to do completely alone. You have to say goodbye. 


I'm going to watch my parents die, their health will fail more and more, I will be stressed out about it, or in denial. They will be stressed too, going into a place no one has ever seen. They don't have their parents to coach them, or support them. They have to say goodbye to their friends and family. I know they've still got many years of life, but it'll happen someday. 


I can't imagine living life without my parents around. I mean I don't see them everyday, but just knowing they're alive and walking around and living their cute little lives gives me so much happiness and strength. It's hard to explain. They've raised me, advised me, supported me, pushed me to be a good man. What will I do without them?


The more you love someone the harder it is to say goodbye to them. And I'll remember them until I die. Love you all

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