Limitations of Empathy

 17 January 2022

Quick thought about the limitations of empathy. I thought I was done crying because of the LDS church treatment of gay people. But then I watched David Archuleta's video and cried twice because I felt all those feelings again. I felt empathy, and I don't consider myself an empathetic person at all. I only felt it though because I had gone through that very specific scenario. 


A few days ago there was a hostage situation in Texas at Congregation Beth Israel. Because antisemitism is alive and well despite how stupid and evil it is. And what those people went through I can't feel empathy for. I've never been in a hostage situation, and I've had some discrimination because of my religion but nothing like Jewish people. I can intellectually grasp some of it, I can know it's unfair, but I cannot feel what they feel. 


That's why it's important to stand up for justice for people you cannot relate to. You're not emotionally invested, and that gives you certain advantages and disadvantages, but you're unique and important. You can intellectually grasp what it means to be a gay man raised in a homophobic religion, but I don't expect you feel it yourself. (I personally don't event want you to feel empathy for me). 


So, my fellow white people, it's MLK Jr. Day. We can stop telling racist jokes, we can support black-owned businesses, we can vote for politicians who are trying to get reparations and prison reform, we can watch the movie Selma tonight at my apartment please come. (It's a docudrama about MLK's largest protest it's really good). And we don't need to act like we know what it's like to be black. 


I'm reading this book called "Against Empathy" by Paul Bloom and no doubt my feelings have been impacted by that. Let me share a fun excercise from the book. Imagine someone you feel empathy for, your child, your spouse, a good friend. And feel all their emotions right now. Now, add another person. Can you feel empathy for 2 people at the same time? If you can wow that's pretty cool. But add 5 more people, people close to you who you love. Feel empathy for 7 people at the same time. Your brain and heart cannot do it. You cannot empathize with a group of people, it's solely an individual-to-individual thing. 


When I talk about queer issues in Mormonism I will get heated and upset. It's just the way I am. But I am emotionally mature enough to have hard conversations. So please, do not worry if I am going to get offended by stupid questions. I am, but that's okay. Being offended is not the worst thing. I expect you to have boundaries and not take it personally that I get frustrated and angry. 


And please just adopt the belief that antisemitism, racism and homophobia are bad and try to root it out within yourself, and don't perpetuate it. Love you all

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