Religion Helps Us Cope with Death

22 February 2022

 One of the reasons religion exists is to help people cope with death. When I started working at the funeral home, I was confronted with the physical presence of dead people 40 hours a week. I remember looking into the face of a woman who died by suicide and being horrified beyond what I was prepared for. And while I understood that death was real, I had to grapple with death on a much more physical, emotional and soul-consuming level, instead of just intellectually.

Really my favorite part of the funeral home was helping people say goodbye. Like yeah being surrounded by dead bodies all the time is pretty edgy, but that's only cool for a few days. Hugging crying strangers, praying with people, handing the cremated remains to a widow, those were the moments that sustained me. It was beautiful and hard at the same time. I cried every night for my first week working there, giving care and love to all these people who just lost their Mom was emotionally draining. I was frustrated with how unfair death is. 

Being raised Mormon, I believed there was an afterlife where everything was made fair.

I HAD to change my philosophy surrounding death, just to cope. My friend calls my philosophy "optimistic nihilism." It's basically the worldview that life is chaos and nothing matters. But the optimistic part is we get to create our own meaning and chase our own definition of happiness. And I'm a deeply happy person too, I really like life. Accepting that life is meaningless and death is the end gives me peace of mind. 

I chose this way of thinking as a reaction to stress. It was the way I was able to deal with death. But is that honest? I should be grounded in reality, not choosing a cozy lie. Cozy lies don't last forever, eventually reality will come into your life. Change is real, I'm not gonna apologize for adopting a new outlook on life. And I will change again, I will adopt new philosophies.

What if there is a God and an overarching plan and human harmony in the afterlife? There's a Mormon hymn I really love it's called "Come, Come Ye Saints" and all the lyrics motivate you to live with integrity and have faith. It still motivates me, I like playing it on the piano. The fourth verse is beautiful let me share it now. I get goosebumps just to think about it.

"And should we die, before our journey's through, happy day, all is well! 

We then are free from toil and sorrow too, with the just we shall dwell.

But if our lives are spared again to see the Saints their rest obtain, oh how we'll make this chorus swell 'all is well, all is well'"

I love the belief that there is help and happiness ahead. Someday death will have no sting and grave have no victory. We will inherit eternal joy. And when I say goodbye to my parents, I will be happy that they're that much closer to heaven. I will get to see my favorite Saints, Mom and Dad obtain rest. At least, that's what this hymn pushes me to think, and it's such a motivating and peaceful way to think. 

I've been away from the funeral home for 4 years now. When working there I felt like I'd be able to emotionally handle my parents death. And nowadays I cannot handle the thought of them dying at all. It's so crazy the changes we make in life and how that affects grief.

Love you all