Not made out of clay, made out of pixels

 When you make an idol out of clay or wood, you pray to it and it doesn't hear your prayers, it's just a little statue. But it might still give you purpose or good weather & health. With an idol you can get angry and destroy it and make a new idol, or continue to worship it. But what happens when you idolize humans? 

Celebrities are handsome and don't make us think too hard. It might hurt when they do something you don't like. Depending on how much you idolize a celebrity, you might have to defend the actions you don't agree with. 

I know celebrity gossip is cringe, and it's old news, but I've been thinking about the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial. I've been especially thinking about how this complicated and real life story was so different than the usual escapism Johnny Depp delivers. 

I like his movies, I mean, they're not complicated, they're fun, it's great to sit back and watch a movie from time to time. Depp gives a convincing performance, it's almost magical. It's easy to support Depp because he's been telling you stories and you've had many vicarious adventures. I'm thankful for him, so when he's suing his ex-wife for defamation, I'm going to want to root for him.

There's also some sexism bias in there. Like, some deep-seated distrust of women is affecting my thoughts. I try not to be sexist, and I think I do pretty good. But my male privilege prevents me from examining my sexism too much. 

The trial was real life, not acting (....or maybe it was acting, how can we know?? lolololol jk jk jk) But even though it was real life, I still felt like it was fictional. Depp has no idea I exist, I've only seen him through a screen. The way I interact with Depp is the same whether he's playing a fictional character or if the news is broadcasting his personal life. 

When watching someone else go through a domestic dispute, it's just so natural to try to imagine "what would you do" in that situation. Like, if my wife published an article accusing me of sexual and physical violence, how would I feel and react? It's easier to use other people as a hypothetical to think about yourself. As a hypothetical thought experiment it's fun and there's no risk. When actually going through a domestic dispute yourself, there's lots of risk and it's no fun. (Or so I imagine, I'm not married lol)

So, what would I do in Depp's position? I would simply have a better marriage in the first place 😜

Probably a more healthy way to live vicariously through actors is by caring more about the character and the story, rather than the real life person who's delivering the character and story. 

Thankfully I have the luxury of taking myself out of Depp and Heard's relationship. I can quit living vicariously through them anytime it gets too complicated and dark. Anytime I want to stop thinking about it, I can easily turn on a video game or scroll. Depp and Heard don't have that luxury though. They have to think about all the dark intricacies of what their relationship has come to.

With a clay or wooden idol, destroying them doesn't hurt the idol. But Heard and Depp are human and very hurt. This makes me feel like we should LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE! And instead of destroying them as a person, I should destroy the part of me that idolizes Depp. I think I can use Depp as a way to understand my feelings about domestic abuse and get some nice movie escapism too, without wanting to destroy him. It feels weird that I'm openly admitting to using someone for my own gain. Also kinda feels like I'm defending him even though I am a feminist and I'm very anti-domestic abuse. And for the record, I don't idolize Johnny Depp, he's just an easy example. Idolizing someone is, in a way, dehumanizing them. 

My idols are better than your idols. My idols don't beat their wives.